How NOT to choose a Halloween Outfit!

Basically this means Do NOT, and I repeat NOT let your 11 year old daughter 'help you'. Note the inverted commas around the word 'help'. Having an invite to a Halloween bash the day before the big Spooky Day, and being short on invites to anywhere these days I jumped at the chance to dress up and let my hair down ( or up depending on the outfit).  Having Seized the 'day before All Hallows Day' ( confusing but correct), the time came to tackle the outfit dilemma. I trawled the internet, the Seasonal Aisles in all the major Supermarkets and even rummaged through the back of my wardrobe ( not sure why, but I'm certain at that particular moment in time it seemed like a bangin' idea!).

I found many an outfit that I haven't worn for a good few years in the dark, gloominess of the wardrobe's rear end, and safe to say a good few that wouldn't fit over one of my thighs let alone my now rear end!! Figuring that leg warmers and shell suit weren't exactly Halloween attire I decided to ask the 11 yr old daughter, who has been wrapped up in Halloween fever for the past 2 months, who in turn thought she needed to bring in reinforcements in the shape of' the girls'.

The outcome of this 'intervention' was my 'zombie cheerleader SLASH dead schoolgirl 'look'. As I looked in the mirror I got a chill down my spine, and I'm not talking Halloween chill I'm talking stomach churning Britney Spears, gone horribly wrong in THAT video chill. The over the knee socks did nothing for my fat thighs, which were bulging out through the holes in the fishnet tights like Goo pushed through a cheese grater. The paint spattered mini kilt didn't fall in perfect pleats so much as it stuck out like a cocktail umbrella, the ripped shirt didn't cover my muffin top and the backcombed bunches made me look like Worzel Gummidge. I longed to add a blackened front tooth to top of the outfit perfectly but my daughter said I looked sooooooo gross. Ah yes of course, it's the tooth, or lack of it, that makes me look ridiculous!!!


So it was a thanks, but no thanks girls. Let's face it, you can't beat a good old white sheet with two eye holes, that way my muffin top, fat legs and rather protruding backside can all hang out in peace and comfort- Spooky Bliss!!!