Toothache

Well what a day I had. Snapped up a red hot deal a while ago for teeth whitening at a really reduced rate. Booked for the Hammersmith Broadway Centre Branch. Set off this morning feeling apprehensive but excited about coming away feeling good about myself. Got to the centre and looking around for the salon I saw a screen with the name of the place on it. Thinking it was a sign to show where the salon was I went over. Imagine my horror upon realising that the screen was in fact the salon- yes a couple of plasterboards leaning together to make a kind of cubicle in the middle of Hammersmith train station/ shopping mall was the salon. With no hope of a refund I entered. One lady was already neoned up in the corner chair, nicely tucked away in the corner away from passing eyes. I was given the chair opposite in full view of all and sundry- even the people going up and down on the escalators. The mouth shield was taken out of a drawer and wiped over with what I hope was a sterile solution soaked tissue and not just a kleenex. A solution sprayed onto my teeth and then head back under a neon light. The sensation was nothing like the slight tingling the 14 year old guy (well that's what he looked like) told me I would experience. It was like a hoard of hungry rats gnawing at my gums. This however was nothing compared to the horrendous drool that began to pour from my throbbing mouth onto my top. There was no way I was going to swallow that so out came the mouth guard, amongst ten tons of kleenex. I was offered a small cup of water to rinse, spitting it out in another cup- no sink insight!! I was informed I had another 15 minutes to go, so back in with the mouth guard (not even a wipe over this time), on with the devils acid balm and under the blue light again. By now my nerves were so heightened my mouth decided to produce saliva at the rate of a burst dam. The 14yr old trainee mouth doctor decided he needed reinforcements so stepped out of the cubicle and off to superdrug to buy kitchen roll. For fear of drowning in my own acid soaked saliva I signalled as coherently as I could that I was done. Do my teeth look any whiter- not really, they just look a paler shade of yellow, but I'm sure that's only against the background of my throbbing red gums. The kick in the teeth(pardon the pun), was when my juvenile orthodontal professional told me for the next 24 hours I was to avoid tea, coffee and any dark coloured food or drink. So I can't even console myself in a bar of chocolate with a large glass of red. Bah humbug.